But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
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I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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