Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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