They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
