Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
