My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
