Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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