I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That accounts for only three of the penises
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
