Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
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