I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
