I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
