why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
