I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He better not be in your backpack
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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