i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
