he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize