So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
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I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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