I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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