My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
