so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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