I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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