The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
