So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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