She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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