i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
