dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
