Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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