mondays should just be called national damage control day
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
