Do you still have your period?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
