booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
