Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My ass is underappreciated
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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