He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
