so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
