Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
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He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
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I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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