Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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