She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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