she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
