idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
