last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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