he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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