I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
