last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
