Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
