4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
