For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
