Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
