Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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