wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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