We won't sleep together?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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