well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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