I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
