i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
