Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
