I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
