I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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