apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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