she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
