Whod you bang
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
