I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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