I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
