What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
