So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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