you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
