just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
