I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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