Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
