I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
