The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
