playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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