I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
